I was VERY hesitant to share some of my struggle about not being able to get pregnant with my blogging community. One is because it is heartbreaking and difficult for me. Two, because it is soo personal and isloating in nature... something I can easily "hide" from neighbors and friends... even more so online. And because with sharing my heart, I was opening up myself for critism (on many levels).
Last week, that last hesitation was taken away. I was blessed to feel the care and concern from two friends. I received 2 books in the mail to help me through some of emotional struggles concerning not being pregnant. The funny thing was that they sent me the same book:) One was sent by a sweet local friend and then other was sent by a sweet "mystery" person. In both cases, I am very thankful for the thought and love you have shown me.
While I was taken back by the title "In Conceivable: Finding Peace in the Midst of Infertility".... just because I'm not in that place yet. I've had a year of not conceiving, but I've yet gotten into any medical procedures or diagnoses that the author, Shannon Woodward, experienced!! Still I was drawn to the book for a couple of reasons. I WANT peace through the disappointment of not being pregnant month after month! Two, because the book is written from her experience and what she struggled with and learned... biographies are my favorite types of books! And I felt a connection with her since she is also a pastor's wife.
I feel like I am just comsuming the book. The first night reading it I could relate to sooo many of the desires, frustrations and mental "plans" that Shannon went through! In some ways it was nice to know that I am very normal.
The experiences of the author are very different from my own. And I am no were close to being finished the book. I do look forward though to how she is able to "find peace" and have a quiet spirit while "waiting".
From the book I again saw that I am a very blessed Momma. I can desire a bigger family and for my womb to one day hold another little baby, but when I open my eyes to the blessings I have been given... I see 3 sweet children who want to climb into my lap, have me play a game with them or watch them zoom their bikes around the yard.
This is a new goal, to be able to say and feel like this:
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 (New International Version)
Thank you for your prayers and concern. And thank you for the books! One (or both eventually) will be passed to someone else who maybe struggling in this area!!! And if you want to reveal yourselves that is fine!